Eating well is easy on the weekdays. My life is predictable and I can plan my food.
The weekend is another story entirely. This weekend I shocked myself realising how unhealthy I am most of the time. I just don't think! It makes it hard that as a very social single girl, my life revolves around social eating and drinking. I don't want to be "that girl" who always picks apart the menu and ruins dinner for everyone, but I also don't want to weigh this much anymore. Does that make any sense? I guess I want to keep enjoying my friends and my lifestyle but I need to learn to make healthy choices and feel comfortable doing so.
On Saturday night I went to dinner with a couple. They took me to a favourite restaurant of theirs and were very excited about showing me this place. My friend ordered for everyone. I didn't want to ruin the experience for her by refusing to eat the food she was so excited to show me. Even as I type this, I can see how foolish this is but I have no idea how to change things.
When I did my gym junkie phase I was horrible and annoying. I'd go out for dinner and eat nothing but steamed vegies. It always became a topic of conversation and then the other girls would start changing their orders to 'healthier' options. In some ways, yes, it is good to be inspiring others to make good food choices. Most of my friends are very healthy weights. They enjoy their lives and their food and I hate thinking that I am guilting them into changing the order. Particularly because eventually I will stop getting invited to certain dinners because people just want to have a good time without worrying about the silent food police sitting in the corner. Which is what happened before.
I know I have to change things to lose this weight. I just didn't expect to have to change myself so much and I'm really sad about that.
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